Dear Dr. Christian: you have a gentle and sensitive way of observing positive aspects of human beings that might be missed -- I say this after reading: "I am willing to admit that this generation is in fact better than my own, in such things as their willingness to accept the disabled into their inner circles, to be colour blind in their acceptance of other human beings (and to display these magnificent virtues without fanfare and with a certain agnostic nonchalance)." So true! And a grace in youth so often lost behind all the flagrant activities of some of the members of the younger generations (I am thinking of the Libs of TikTok that I have seen that have been too often frankly alarming) Thank you for the reminder to always seek the humanity inside the human package, young or old. Sadly there will be times when there is 'nobody home' and the person is as crass or hateful as they look, but there will be moments of connection that might not have occurred if we are expecting only the 'worst.' ~ Ginger
Well said and it really hit home. To this day I find it very unnatural to call my elders by their first name, even though I'm 55, and I have fewer elders each year.
For sure, a return to good manners would be uplifting. Mind you I so often find young salesgirls and boys very helpful and kind. Thank God for feminism, it freed women from being the 'property' of men and gave them their natural right to self-agency. Philosophy needs to align with reality, and one harsh reality is that 80% of single parents are women. They need not only to do what men do but carry a lot more responsibility. Thank God for feminism it has given women the opportunity to work and support their kids, although generally they live on little. My female ancestors could not legally work after marriage and there was no divorce, so many women had to endure violence with no chance of escape. How utterly cruel and unmannerly to allow that in society. I think chivalry is a positive, but I would not want to return to the Victorian age of decorum and the suffocating mores of polite society. The 'Age of Innocence' portrays such rigidity in its story. Men and women are obviously different, and those differences are a cause for reverence, but let us not forget that we share the common ground of our humanity, and that has greater import spiritually and intellectually than the physical divide.
I'm pretty sure that good manners, and a sensitivity to others' needs, is far more innate in some people than in others.
With regard to the girl in the shop, you are never going to make a silk purse out of that particular sow's ear.
I don't believe that we have to be taught them - and if we do, then we're never really going to succeed, as we are naturally selfish, and always looking for ways to avoid being kind or considerate.
Some people notice, and are considerate, and some people don't.
Nor do I believe that women - you know, the ones that usually end up being involved in childbirth, are naturally any less resilient than men, and their ability to stand in a swaying bus or train is no different from men's.
My own responses would only kick in if I saw somebody - anybody, not just a female, struggling through illness or disability of some sort, perhaps old age.
I certainly wouldn't doff my cap to one, or remove my pipe from my mouth when meeting one, or even do what Sir Walter did to Queen Elizabeth on that never-to-be-forgotten rainy day in Southampton.
Women need to understand that they are no more "special" than anybody else - and in fact, it generates all sorts of unhelpful reactions in them if we suggest that they are.
As to young people being more inclined to admit others of different races into their social circles - and so therefore by definition being "better" than we older generations - it's been an unmitigated disaster whenever it's been tried, and is simply perceived by those races as weakness to be exploited, rather than kindness to be honoured.
We've all seen the videos of unprovoked attacks on white people as they walk down the street.
The FBI stats point clearly to the huge imbalance in violence against the person as regularly engaged in by these people.
So very PC - but not necessarily appropriate or safe to behave in such a fashion.
There are many habits which are popularly perceived as unambiguous moral imperatives, habits like honesty, good manners, politeness, and racial and sexual equality. That perception is wrong.
None of those things are imperatives. They are desirable, yes, but imperatives? No. In reality, they are peace treaties. They are agreements which we form with the other people around us, and while we try our best to follow and enforce those treaties, like any agreement between different parties, once the other party breaks the treaty, we are no longer bound by it. When someone steals from you, you have no obligation to allow them to retain possession. When someone lies to you, there is no reason why you are bound to be truthful with them.
You mention "unprovoked attacks on white people as they walk down the street." True. It happens. In fact, roughly 3% of our population (African men from 16 to 40) commits about 65% of our violent crime. When you see a group from that 3% walking down the sidewalk toward you, you are a fool if you respond the same as if they were elderly Japanese tourists.
I revere Western Culture and it's traditions. To quote Donald Kingsbury, "Tradition is a set of solutions for which we have forgotten the problems. Throw away the solution and you get the problem back." Even worse than throwing away the solution, is allowing that solution to be weaponized against us. And how are our traditions weaponized against us? By convincing us that we must abide by our own rules while others around us are allowed to break them with impunity.
Back in the days of olden, families were larger, and it was the kids in the middle that acted out selfishly. There were many reasons why.
Large families are rare now. I do see many kids that are very kind and helpful and well behaved.
Then there are the horrible ones.
When my daughters were young, I sent them out to school and said "do your best and behave yourselves. Have some self control"
I would rather them come home and blow off and be horrible, just to get it out, their frustrations and indecisions.
I think being a kid now, as in the past, there are the bratty popular ones. Those can not be helped, no amount of scolding or reminding works. My daughters had a few friends like that. Just thoughtless. I believe they are spoilt by their parents or others,.
We just lead by example.
There are plenty of thoughtless selfish, nasty older people too.
I think it is something that their own crowd accepts. That behavior is terrible and I always feel a bit sorry for those angry ones the most
I enjoyed reading this. Yes, a shopping cart is annoying to push around. I get the little ones if there are any.
Our "colorblind meritocracy" that you have been deluded into supporting is largely what's contributing to the decline in morals, manners, and Christendom. Otherwise, this was an excellent post and a great reminder of what was lost once the planned influx of millions of the unwashed garbage of the Third World and the systematic destruction of all traditions in the minds of the present generation began.
"Good manners" has a different purpose in West and East I suspect.
For the former, especially in the Anglosphere, it is a shorthand for "repression of Id and bodily appetites for the sake of Superego" to put in Freudian terms. It parallels with a monological narrative of civilised "decency" and the spreading of that civilisation to cultures more rooted in primordial ways.
For the precolonial Muslim and Chinese East, Adab and (Confucian) Propriety don't have this internally dualistic aspect. "Good Manners" here above all are about tempering and training the Id and embodied energies, rather than caging or sublimating them. Sometimes this involves encouraging and guiding the powers of just vengeance for example, in order to decharge and balance existing social tensions. Indigenous Australia was also very "Eastern" this way. Good hospitality and calibrated sensibility to vengeance as basically the same thing, allowing for a diversity of points of view to be mutually diffused in contact.
I sense the younger generation now are sick of submission to narratives and Superego voices as the price for social cohesion. The former has lost its moral authority, as its lack of Principle has been gradually exposed over the decades, in how parenting is conducted by Western/Westernised guidance in recent generations at the very least, and how foreign policy is conducted as well.
Yes this is a crisis. It is also an opportunity to go into the roots of ancestral errors, with compassion.
The core success of feminism is replacing a regime of personal kindness, voluntarily offered and received between men and women, and official indifference with a regime of personal indifference and official kindness. I am skeptical that this is progress for anybody.
Dear Dr. Christian: you have a gentle and sensitive way of observing positive aspects of human beings that might be missed -- I say this after reading: "I am willing to admit that this generation is in fact better than my own, in such things as their willingness to accept the disabled into their inner circles, to be colour blind in their acceptance of other human beings (and to display these magnificent virtues without fanfare and with a certain agnostic nonchalance)." So true! And a grace in youth so often lost behind all the flagrant activities of some of the members of the younger generations (I am thinking of the Libs of TikTok that I have seen that have been too often frankly alarming) Thank you for the reminder to always seek the humanity inside the human package, young or old. Sadly there will be times when there is 'nobody home' and the person is as crass or hateful as they look, but there will be moments of connection that might not have occurred if we are expecting only the 'worst.' ~ Ginger
Well said and it really hit home. To this day I find it very unnatural to call my elders by their first name, even though I'm 55, and I have fewer elders each year.
For sure, a return to good manners would be uplifting. Mind you I so often find young salesgirls and boys very helpful and kind. Thank God for feminism, it freed women from being the 'property' of men and gave them their natural right to self-agency. Philosophy needs to align with reality, and one harsh reality is that 80% of single parents are women. They need not only to do what men do but carry a lot more responsibility. Thank God for feminism it has given women the opportunity to work and support their kids, although generally they live on little. My female ancestors could not legally work after marriage and there was no divorce, so many women had to endure violence with no chance of escape. How utterly cruel and unmannerly to allow that in society. I think chivalry is a positive, but I would not want to return to the Victorian age of decorum and the suffocating mores of polite society. The 'Age of Innocence' portrays such rigidity in its story. Men and women are obviously different, and those differences are a cause for reverence, but let us not forget that we share the common ground of our humanity, and that has greater import spiritually and intellectually than the physical divide.
Beautiful comment.
🎯
I'm pretty sure that good manners, and a sensitivity to others' needs, is far more innate in some people than in others.
With regard to the girl in the shop, you are never going to make a silk purse out of that particular sow's ear.
I don't believe that we have to be taught them - and if we do, then we're never really going to succeed, as we are naturally selfish, and always looking for ways to avoid being kind or considerate.
Some people notice, and are considerate, and some people don't.
Nor do I believe that women - you know, the ones that usually end up being involved in childbirth, are naturally any less resilient than men, and their ability to stand in a swaying bus or train is no different from men's.
My own responses would only kick in if I saw somebody - anybody, not just a female, struggling through illness or disability of some sort, perhaps old age.
I certainly wouldn't doff my cap to one, or remove my pipe from my mouth when meeting one, or even do what Sir Walter did to Queen Elizabeth on that never-to-be-forgotten rainy day in Southampton.
Women need to understand that they are no more "special" than anybody else - and in fact, it generates all sorts of unhelpful reactions in them if we suggest that they are.
As to young people being more inclined to admit others of different races into their social circles - and so therefore by definition being "better" than we older generations - it's been an unmitigated disaster whenever it's been tried, and is simply perceived by those races as weakness to be exploited, rather than kindness to be honoured.
We've all seen the videos of unprovoked attacks on white people as they walk down the street.
The FBI stats point clearly to the huge imbalance in violence against the person as regularly engaged in by these people.
So very PC - but not necessarily appropriate or safe to behave in such a fashion.
There are many habits which are popularly perceived as unambiguous moral imperatives, habits like honesty, good manners, politeness, and racial and sexual equality. That perception is wrong.
None of those things are imperatives. They are desirable, yes, but imperatives? No. In reality, they are peace treaties. They are agreements which we form with the other people around us, and while we try our best to follow and enforce those treaties, like any agreement between different parties, once the other party breaks the treaty, we are no longer bound by it. When someone steals from you, you have no obligation to allow them to retain possession. When someone lies to you, there is no reason why you are bound to be truthful with them.
You mention "unprovoked attacks on white people as they walk down the street." True. It happens. In fact, roughly 3% of our population (African men from 16 to 40) commits about 65% of our violent crime. When you see a group from that 3% walking down the sidewalk toward you, you are a fool if you respond the same as if they were elderly Japanese tourists.
I revere Western Culture and it's traditions. To quote Donald Kingsbury, "Tradition is a set of solutions for which we have forgotten the problems. Throw away the solution and you get the problem back." Even worse than throwing away the solution, is allowing that solution to be weaponized against us. And how are our traditions weaponized against us? By convincing us that we must abide by our own rules while others around us are allowed to break them with impunity.
I see it every day.
I wonder if it is just selfishness. Why is that?
Back in the days of olden, families were larger, and it was the kids in the middle that acted out selfishly. There were many reasons why.
Large families are rare now. I do see many kids that are very kind and helpful and well behaved.
Then there are the horrible ones.
When my daughters were young, I sent them out to school and said "do your best and behave yourselves. Have some self control"
I would rather them come home and blow off and be horrible, just to get it out, their frustrations and indecisions.
I think being a kid now, as in the past, there are the bratty popular ones. Those can not be helped, no amount of scolding or reminding works. My daughters had a few friends like that. Just thoughtless. I believe they are spoilt by their parents or others,.
We just lead by example.
There are plenty of thoughtless selfish, nasty older people too.
I think it is something that their own crowd accepts. That behavior is terrible and I always feel a bit sorry for those angry ones the most
I enjoyed reading this. Yes, a shopping cart is annoying to push around. I get the little ones if there are any.
Our "colorblind meritocracy" that you have been deluded into supporting is largely what's contributing to the decline in morals, manners, and Christendom. Otherwise, this was an excellent post and a great reminder of what was lost once the planned influx of millions of the unwashed garbage of the Third World and the systematic destruction of all traditions in the minds of the present generation began.
Manners maketh the man.
Peace Sir,
"Good manners" has a different purpose in West and East I suspect.
For the former, especially in the Anglosphere, it is a shorthand for "repression of Id and bodily appetites for the sake of Superego" to put in Freudian terms. It parallels with a monological narrative of civilised "decency" and the spreading of that civilisation to cultures more rooted in primordial ways.
For the precolonial Muslim and Chinese East, Adab and (Confucian) Propriety don't have this internally dualistic aspect. "Good Manners" here above all are about tempering and training the Id and embodied energies, rather than caging or sublimating them. Sometimes this involves encouraging and guiding the powers of just vengeance for example, in order to decharge and balance existing social tensions. Indigenous Australia was also very "Eastern" this way. Good hospitality and calibrated sensibility to vengeance as basically the same thing, allowing for a diversity of points of view to be mutually diffused in contact.
I sense the younger generation now are sick of submission to narratives and Superego voices as the price for social cohesion. The former has lost its moral authority, as its lack of Principle has been gradually exposed over the decades, in how parenting is conducted by Western/Westernised guidance in recent generations at the very least, and how foreign policy is conducted as well.
Yes this is a crisis. It is also an opportunity to go into the roots of ancestral errors, with compassion.
Peace.
The core success of feminism is replacing a regime of personal kindness, voluntarily offered and received between men and women, and official indifference with a regime of personal indifference and official kindness. I am skeptical that this is progress for anybody.
The smartphone is the demise of humanity.